A few weeks ago I went down to my mother’s for 10 days. She had recently had a mastectomy, and was having some problems with her recovery, and as my father was going abroad for business, I slipped back into my role of ‘young carer’. Except that the role didn’t seem to fit as well now as it used to do when I was a child.
I’m 38 now. In my entire 38 years, I’ve probably had only about 6 whole years where I can say I have not been a carer in any shape or form, 4 of which encompassed my early childhood. I went from being a carer for my bipolar Mum, to a carer for my husband, who had physical and learning disabilities (a long story) and a mental health problem, almost without any break in between. The last 2 years have been bliss- the only person I’ve had to care for has been me!
So I went to stay with Mum for 10 days. I was physically and mentally exhausted, due to the combination of being on placement, and being on placement on public transport, which has made every day ten times harder, given the geographic area I cover. I would have been quite happy to spend all 10 days asleep. Mum, on the other hand, was manic. Not even hypomanic- she was full blown manic. At one point, I debated calling her GP and requesting him to arrange a mental health act assessment.
Exhausted carer+ manic relative= not a good mix. It is tiring, frustrating, anger-provoking, embarrassing, scary and hurtful.
You get to the point of praying for the crash down into deep depression that almost always follows a manic episode, although you know the depression is possibly more painful for the person involved. But for the carer it’s easier to manage: you can usually predict with accuracy what the person will be doing- the boundless energy of mania totally evaporates and rising from a chair becomes a challenge. Suicidal feelings are fairly easy to deal with in the worst depths of depression, becoming more dangerous when the person improves and energy levels increase again.
Sadly, this didn’t happen, and I will admit that I was glad to come home and leave Mum behind.
It was a very timely reminder for me though, as I begin the mental health pathway of my training in three weeks, of the incredibly hard and stressful work done by carers of many people with severe and enduring mental health conditions, and the need for professionals to consider their needs in addition to the needs of the client.
